Petri Dish of the Seas (Goody Bag of Horrors)

“Honey, did you pack the swimsuits?” “Did you remember to pack deodorant?” “Oh, did you pack the antibiotics and hazmat suits?”

Do you want to take a cruise? Sometimes I think I do, but then I remember I’ll be stuck on a vessel for days on end, with nothing but the mysterious deep to look at. Being sequestered with nothing to do but let the cruise line suck the blood from my wallet is not a vacation I would enjoy. I like to see things and meet people in their own countries. I love the experience of their cultures, not the accumulated quarry of sardines you get on a ship. When I speak to people who go on cruises, the first and most memorable thing they remember from the trip is the round-the-clock eating of everything you can imagine. This is cool, but not what I want to do on vacation: gain a lot of weight. Coming back from vacation with self-loathing for overindulging is not in the least appealing. I think it would be more appropriately called an all-you-can-eat gorge fest on the seas. Is that a vacation, really? 

There is one other aspect of cruising I don’t particularly relish. The science experiment. 

Cruise ships are testing grounds for any illness you can imagine. They’re also a good place to see how an illness plays out in the real world. If I recall correctly, during COVID, a cruise ship was quarantined because of a COVID outbreak at the very beginning of the pandemic. Several people died, and science got a firsthand look at who would be affected and how. The outbreak predicted the ratios of how many would be affected and which population sector would suffer the most. It showed that the elderly and people with co-morbidities would suffer the most, while children would be barely affected. It came pretty close to spot on. 

Fast-forward to this week. A cruise ship departing from Ushuaia, Argentina, was quarantined off the coast of Cape Verde due to a hantavirus outbreak. Three people have died. There are two more confirmed cases and five additional suspected cases. The ship has been denied entry into Cape Verde for now. There are 147 passengers on board. One passenger is in the ICU. Health teams from around the world are moving quickly to contain the outbreak. It is a very precarious situation. 

So, what is Hantavirus? You might ask. The Hantavirus is part of a family of viruses carried by rodents, specifically in their droppings, urine, or saliva. Scientists have said that it is very rare for the virus to be transmitted from human to human. This is a concern for them. The ship has reported that there are no mice or rats on the ship as well. If that is true, then the scientists’ suspicions are more than likely correct, and it is being spread person to person. 

I personally find the cruise ship’s report that no rodents were found on board suspect.

My father, grandmother, and grandfather all worked on ships and spent long periods at sea. 

Among the stories of their travels all over the world, they always had anecdotes about rats on every ship. They said it was inevitable. Rats are unintentionally transported on pallets of dry goods. Wherever there is an abundant food source, such as granaries, restaurants, and supermarkets, there will more than likely be rats and mice. On ships, tons of pallets are loaded on board for the voyages. Imagine. Hundreds of people need to be fed three meals a day, and then some. Now multiply that by the number of days at sea. That is a ripe field for four-legged ratatouille stars. I hope that the rat information is true, for the sake of the travelers. At the same time, if it is true, then the scientific suspicions might be true, and person-to-person transmission is the last thing we need with another virus. 

At any rate, it must be a horrific experience for those on board, so soon after the COVID pandemic. I think many of us are still gun-shy about viruses. I know I sure don’t want to see that happen again. 

In the meantime, these poor vacationers worry instead of diverting themselves and enjoying the trip. They are sequestered in their rooms until they can be safely evacuated. 

So why take a cruise? I know what many say. It’s fun, relaxing, and beautiful. Everything is included except for gambling, specialty restaurants, spa treatments, and beverages like alcohol and soda. But that’s true of any vacation, and land-based trips typically don’t involve being a science experiment. If claustrophobia is a thing, I wouldn’t want to be stuck on one. 

Hantavirus is a serious concern. The flu-like symptoms can include aches and pains, like those of the flu, and headaches too. But it can progress to the lungs, causing breathing problems and dangerous blood pressure issues. Forty percent of cases are fatal, and there is no cure, just medical attention and time. That does not sound like a fun ride. 

Cruises look appealing, they do. The ads show beautiful pools, fun live entertainment, and some even feature small theme parks, but the close proximity of too many people is not what I want when I’m trying to relax. Then there is the sardines-in-a-can experience. Nowadays, ships, like planes, are trying to fit as many people into the smallest possible space. I don’t appreciate that either. 

Nah, I’ll stick to traveling from country to country, walking through small, enclosed streets, and discovering a little hidden treasure in a mom-and-pop eatery. Eating a small, humble meal made from scarcity, rather than an overabundance. I’ll keep going to Rome and doing as the Romans do, where they do it. 

I’d take a cruise, don’t get me wrong. But I’d take one if it were on a small ship or yacht and included only a handful of guests. Then I think relaxing would indeed be in order. 

For now, however, and until ships stop overloading passengers into rooms the size of a powder room, I will stay clear of the Petri Dish of the Seas. I’ll do the Hobbit thing and travel on land. 

The rest of you who enjoy cruises, go for it. Don’t forget to pack your sunscreen and penicillin. 

“All Aboard!

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